Caterpillar Self must shed its exoskeleton many times before it can become Butterfly Self.

Butterfly Promise

By Maria Mar

She wanted to do her dream,

But there were all these important voices

Calling up to her,

All these things she had to fix in herself

before she could take the first step.

She stayed at the bottom of the stairs,

looking hungrily at the threshold up there,

at the light shining through it.

At the promise.

Her many legs worked furiously.

She ate ravenously.

She gained weight.

And then she panicked.

She went on a diet.

And the threshold up there

was still shining.

But she had to take care of her weight first.

She had to take care of her duty first.

So many people calling for her!

So many tiny tasks to do.

Her many legs hurt with many aches

as she multi-tasked angrily.

Her legs were so tired

that the steps seemed steeper.

Yet she so badly wanted

to cross through that luminous threshold,

to embrace the light shining through

to become light and luminous.

Brilliant with the true colors she felt deep in her soul.

To fly with the joy she hungered for.

To give with the exuberance craving to blossom in her.

So she worked harder.

And she worked faster.

And she worked furiously.

And instead of shedding her exoskeleton,

she lost weight and became extremely thin

Extremely hungry.

All her friends congratulated her

on her beauty.

And she basked on the glory.

But only for a month or so,

until she could no longer tell herself the lie

because she knew what true beauty was.

It was struggling deep inside her,

Struggling out of that straightjacket

she had borrowed.

So she ate her fury away

and now she gained lots of pounds

and her friends were in her case.

So she hid away and stopped going out.

She stopped caring about what they said.

But still she heard all these voices.

Who were they?

Like ghosts, they haunted her.

Not letting her hear the answers

to her life-long questions:

“How do I get to that threshold?”

“How do I crossover?”

“How do I fly in the light?”

“How do I become the brilliance?”

At night, when it was quiet,

She felt the stirring within.

She felt the hunger to fly.

Her pain grew intolerable.

She took a pill to sleep.

And when she woke up

She went to work,

kind of awake,

but still dormant.

And every minute of every day

as her ache grew and her

stomach churned,

she kept on working furiously.

Though every time

she showed up later

and left earlier

and did less and less

as she kicked more and more

with her many tired legs,

wanting so badly to crossover

but not taking that first step.

She stayed at the bottom of the stairs,

looking hungrily at the threshold up there,

at the light shining through it.

At the promise.

—————————

Maria Mar©

October 17, 2012

New York City

RESOURCE:

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