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Mar 072014
Reading Time: 12 minutes

I once heard a phrase in a movie that is probably borrowed from somewhere else, but it made me smiled with one of those bittersweet smiles we draw when something is painfully true.

“I don’t respect anyone who respects me”


Funny eh?… and terrible.

Yet I’ve seen it time and again.

  • A client sees the expert as a guru… until the expert works with her and praises her value and tells her that she has something extraordinary to give. Then somehow the expert loses her glow and the client wonders if she’s trustworthy!

  • A writer longs to find her Tribe, but when people start buying and writing good reviews, she starts secretly despising or at least disbelieving these readers.

  • A woman longs to find a man who values her, and the moment a date cherishes her, the woman begins to get bored or to feel his lame.

Are you smiling? Probably you have that same bittersweet smile on!

You smile perhaps from recognition and certainly because it is ironic and so human.

Your smile has a bitter edge because this hidden feeling is at the core of our human misery. It is the cause of why we do not manifest our dreams, embody our purpose, express our gifts or step into our greatness.

And here’s the simple truth.

You will not believe anyone who tells you that you are lovable and valuable until you believe it yourself.

So how do you do this?

Wit two powerful processes that you can start right now as a Women’s History Month Celebration for your own empowerment.

  1. Process 1: Recasting your Shadows. Hunt down the doubter, the bully and the perfectionist. That’s the Shadow Combo you need to recast.

  2. Process 2: Self-mothering your Wounded Children. Heal your Teeny-Tiny Child, your Little Orphan and your Ugly Duckling. Those are the Wounded Children you need to self-mother into self-love and self-value.


If you want specific steps, read the Premium Post below for only $5.00 USD

Simple actions to recast your Shadows and self-mother your Wounded Children to increase your self-love, self-value and self-respect right now.

Pay with credit card or PayPal in our safe merchant PayPal. At the end of the transaction you will be brought here and you will be able to see and copy/paste or print the lesson. If you have any problems contact me directly and I’ll take care of it.


[ppw id=”63283618″ description=”Recast your Shadows for Self-love” price=”5.00″]


Simple actions to recast your Shadows and mother your Wounded Children to increase your self-love, self-value and self-respect right now.

Process 1: Recasting your Shadows.

Hunt down The Doubter, The Bully and The Perfectionist. That’s the Shadow Combo you need to recast.

First, a word about Shadows and about this specific Shadow Combo.

Shadows, in my shamanic lore, are fear-based Inner Selves that carry learned defensive strategies. These strategies were copied from the adults around you early on or adopted by your child or youth to deal with threatening circumstances the best way she knew based on what she was observing.

Therefore, understand that though they are a nuisance, negative and disempowering, they are not “evil” forces. Do not demonize them or you will feed them with your fear and give your power away.

Here’s a simple description of this Shadow Combo.

  • The Doubter- She carries the doubts that others in your childhood and youth expressed and then you eventually assimilated about yourself, the world, your abilities and capacities and about what is possible. She is constantly doubting all of this based on the False Beliefs, learned habitual assumptions and expectations and Primary Identity you inherited from your family, culture and community during your early years. The Doubter is trying to protect you from being embarrassed, humiliated, rejected and from launching into something prematurely or before you are ready or into something too big for you (big in reference to your Primary Identity).

  • The Bully-The  Bully came up as a response to being bullied. That part of you who won’t let others hurt you, who won’t be bullied, who wont’ go down without a fight and who hates injustice came out and matched the vibrational frequency of those who were obviously or overtly bullying you. Now of course, The Bully is an incongruence because she bullies in order not to be bullied, but in so doing it she is The  Bully she was trying to defend you from. The worse part is that she bullies YOU! But in reality, she is just trying to toughen you up in preparation for what others will do to you.

  • The Perfectionist-She is a preemptive defense to the expectation that others will reject you because (False Belief) you are not good enough. She tries to make you do your best, but because she is responding to your Primary Identity that you are not good enough, she then keeps trying you to do more and better to make sure that when you show up, you are not rejected.

Notice four important things about these Shadows:

  1. Shadows are trapped in an old Inscape (Internal Landscape) that becomes their world and sustains a vision of the world that you inherited when they were born. This old Inscape incorporates your learned limitations, your fears and your False Beliefs. Shadows live in the past and respond to the present from that world created in the past. As a result, they hold you back and repeat the same old results in new situations.

  2. Shadows are as powerful as your subconscious fears. And that’s VERY powerful. They override your conscious choices and values because they were created as a life-or-death response to conditions that felt very threatening to your child, and therefore they are embedded in your Reptilian Brain as a life-or-death defensive immediate response. That’s very hard to change and overrides all logic and conscious responses.
  3. Shadows do not have feelings. YOU have feelings. Shadows are mental defensive archetypes. They carry beliefs, memories and responses. They work in the Mental Energy Field and sometimes in the rear end of the Third Eye Chakra. What you are feeling when the Shadow begins its negative talk is either your own feeling ~because you confuse the Shadow Talk with your own beliefs~ or the feelings of the Wounded Child associated with this Shadow, who is still feeling the old feelings that gave birth to that defense.

  4. Shadows respond to your inherited Primary Identity. This is the deepest, most powerful layer of your subconscious mind. Who you believe you are in your deepest, most powerfully held beliefs is that Primary Identity. And it is based not on who you truly are and know yourself to be, not in your True Self or your Infinite Self or Divine I Am; but in the Self who was created way back when based on others’ opinions, labels and beliefs about who you were.

This Primary Identity is ATTACHED
to the beliefs that these Shadows carry.

To recast your Shadows you need to release your Primary Identity
and assume your True Self.


Before we continue, remember that each of your Shadows is unique to you and has her own name, beliefs and subtle approach based on your own Personal History.

The process below will help you get into details.

Flip the switch in the Shadows and they’ll lead you to your light!

Instead of seeing them as “evil” and a dark force inside of you that hurts you, scares your Inner Child and thwarts your choice, realize  that it was your Inner Child who created these Shadows to feel powerful. And to create them, your Inner Child used her unique superpowers!

That’s right. Your nasty pesky gremlins have such force because they were built right in the places where your power resides, using your superpowers, BUT twisting them to respond to false beliefs and to use familiar defensive strategies.

Do you see the opportunity here?

Your Inner Child cast these Shadows to protect herself. Eventually, you forgot that you had created them (or perhaps never realized it) and now the nasty gremlins are ruining your life, disempowering you, gutting your talents, holding you back and devaluing your gifts.

But they stand right where your superpowers are!

That’s why I have another name for them: Shadow Scouts. Follow them and you will also find your superpowers. That, in a nutshell, is the process of Recasting your Shadows to Cast your Light.

An example of how a Shadow is Cast:

Your Perfectionist may have been born from the constant criticism and attempts to correct you of elders who did not dish out an equally constant appreciation of your gifts. Their intentions may have been good (or not, they may have been projecting their own shortcomings) but the message of the imbalance in the output of criticism/praise was that you were not good enough.

As a child, this is how it may have happened.

ADULT: Blah blah you are not good enough blah blah.

(You may have not even understood the specific suggestion or criticism, but you FELT the message as the italics phrase shows.)

CHILD: I’ll show you that I’m better than good and you’ll have to love me!

The Perfectionist is born. From now on the child keeps trying to do more and better to be appreciated and loved. After a while, she forgets that it’s her choice, her goals.

The Perfectionist becomes a habitual Defensive Inner Self, a subpersonality or Inner Archetype. And now she’s oppressing the very child she was born to protect and who created her!


What qualities (or superpowers) in you did the child tap into in order to respond to constant criticism without enough appreciation from the adults around her?

Here are some possible answers:

  • The Inner Warrior – who is persistent, stands for her value and will not let others crush your spirit.
  • The Wise Woman- who knows she can do better and she is already perfect, so she knows they are wrong and you as a child were right
  • The Truth Sayer – who feels for justice and for your child’s heart and tells it as it is to those who wield power incorrectly
  • The Inner Mother – who won’t let anyone put down her child

Do you see the possibilities?

  1. Tracking down the habits of these Shadows, you will find the superpowers that lead to the creation of these three Shadows.
  2. Then you can recast these Shadows, giving them back their true superpowers but retraining them to let go of their negative habitual defenses.
  3. As soon as they FEEL more powerful and effective in their function, they will switch. (After 40 days of reprogramming.)

But –here’s the caveat–you must assume your role as the boss of you, as the Queen of your Self Queendom, so that they listen to you.

This is the first and basic shift in your self-vision (Primary Identity) that allows you to detach from the Shadows and shifts them because you are no longer identifying with the Primary Identity on which they are basing their responses.

The process below will allow you to do just that.


Part 1: Shadow Tracking.

  1. Step 1: Make a list of the things you’d like others to say bout you that would honor your value and would make you feel appreciated. Make them very affirming declarations.

  2. Step 2: Speak each of these declarations out loud with as much confident and authority as you can manage and as you do secretly observe any of these three Shadows(Doubter, Bully or Perfectionist) and write down what they say below each affirmation.There may be a chorus of loud voices and you may have to listen carefully to distinguish one Shadow from the other. On the other hand (especially if they realize you are on to them), there may be only one or several whispers.

  3. Step 3: Detach from these Shadows. Don’t lend them your emotions or identify with anything they are saying. However, don’t fight them or defend from what they are saying. Simply be a witness, without emotional input. Understand that these are learned scripts and not the truth. See them as a witness sees a situation, with curiosity but without any identification.

  4. Step 4: Pay special attention to the area of the body where you feel these Shadows activated as you say each affirmation. Make a note.

  5. Step 5: Become an impartial reporter and interview each Shadow to find out why they believe what they believe and how they are trying to help you or protect your children. Ask them questions about their goals and how they see life and why they must protect you. You will be surprised that they may have the best intentions, but they are trapped in learned defensive scripts to achieve these intentions!

Part 2: Recasting the Shadows

You are ready for the next step when you have a clear, compassionate understanding of who each of these Shadows is, what they believe, what defensive strategies they carry and when they are triggered. You may also have an idea on when they were created and why.

Now you have the information that enables you to Recast these Shadows.

  1. Step 6: Assume your self-authority as the boss of you. This is not about bullying the Shadows. If you are bullying, you are overshadowed by the bully. The Bully is controlling you. This is about detaching from the influence and beliefs of the Shadows and standing in the place of your adult, powerful, self-governing and self-loving being. Stand in your Heart and connect to your Soul and you will find this place within you. This basic shift changes the old Primary Identity that the Shadows are trying to protect.

  2. Step 7: Speak as their boss (which you are) and  reassign each Shadowto another role in order to be successful in its expressed intentions.
    1. Start your instructions with a attention-grabbing phrase like “Attention! Listen carefully, this is important!” said emphatically, like you speak a warning, to capture the attention of your Reptilian Brain and the RAS (Reticular Activation System)

    2. Proceed to give them a new set of instructions. Speak these instructions out loud as you tap the part of the body associated with this Shadow (Step 4).

  3. Step 8: End the instructions with a Power Word or a Sealing Phrase.Examples:
    1.  These new orders supersedes your old ones.
    2. Amen.
    3. So be it.
    4. This is now your reality.
    5. This is final.
    6. If you practice Power Words use your Power Word.

  4. Step 9: For the next 40 days, retrain the Shadows in their new functions.
    1. Repeat the declarations out loud once a day
    2. Observe what Shadows shows up.
    3. If any of the Shadows repeats the old script, repeat the new instructions out loud while tapping yourself in the activation place for that Shadow, then shift characters and allow the Shadow to speak and to repeate repeat the new instructions.
    4. If you practice EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping), you can do the entire process while tapping.


  • When you interview the Shadows, you can seat in a different seat or use a prop when you are speaking from the Shadow.
  • You may want to use a sign of power, like a crown, ruler, crystal wand or magic wand when you give your new instructions to the Shadow, so as to help you feel your self-authority and have the Shadows realize it.
  • Remember that Shadows are archetypal forces. Keep it physical, simple, direct and primal.


Process 2: Self-mothering your Wounded Children

This is a deeply related process and should be done simultaneously with Recasting your Shadows. (Remember that the Inner Children created the Shadows for self-protection and that now the Shadows are bullying the Inner Children.)

The Group of Inner Children you probably need to address are:

  • Teeny-Tiny: She is the one that was constantly criticized and received the message that she is not good enough. She feels tiny, insignificant, invisible, not enough. She carries the sensation of being small.

  • The Orphan: She is the child that received the emotional rejection, the loneliness and abandonment of a family that –in her eyes– did not properly receive, honor and appreciated her. She feels alone, separated, abandoned and she feels that the world is hostile and there no place in the world for her. She carries the feeling of abandonment.

  • Ugly Duckling; Like the ugly duckling in Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale, she is the odd-one out. She feels that she does not belong, that she is not good enough, that she is too this or not enough that, that she is not as beautiful, smart or lovable as others. She constantly compares herself with others and find herself wanting. She carries the belief that she is not as good as others and will be rejected.

There are many ways to do Self-mothering, but here I’ll share my favorite. I am an actress, storyteller and visual artist, so I love to use dolls to enact a different reality. It is a very powerful practice. I’ve healed my eating disorders with this practice and I’ve helped groups of seriously wounded women using dolls.

Buy or create one doll for each of the Inner Children above.

  • Teeny-Tiny: Get or make a very tiny doll the size of your fingers.

  • The Orphan: Get an old baby doll, raggedy and dirty.
  • Ugly Duckling: Use air-drying clay to make a duck.

Every week seat down with your three dolls, and ~one at a time~ speak to them and listen. Then redress the issues and do a make-over until you have shifted the emotions and beliefs of these Inner children. Here are the steps.

  1. Step 1: Seat with each doll, call that Inner Child and read your declaration (the one that connects to that Inner Child).

  2. Step 2: Ask that Inner Child if she believes this to be true and if she feels happy with it or if she feels that this is not true and feels unhappy. Listen in breath. You may want to do this in your journal, using your dominant hand to write the question and your non-dominant hand to answer. Doing this immediately connects you at a emotional and physical level with the Inner Child.
  3. Step 3: Have the child draw, sing, dance or do her favorite thing to express how she really feels and why.
  4. Step 4: Praise the child. Name her beauty, grace, intelligence and uniqueness. Name how her presence makes your life and the world better. Be sincere. If you don’t feel it the child will know. Tell her what she specifically needed to know at the time that no one told her. Be emphatic. Be her fan! Repeat it three times.
  5. Step 5: As you repeat this process, the child will feel better. Do a make-over:
  • Teeny-Tiny: Get or make a very tiny doll the size of your fingers. Get a doll that’s a little bigger every time the child feels better. Dress her and talk to the new dolls and as you do, make sure to release your spine and stand tall in your body. (Unlock your neck, bring your sternum up to the sky and open a space in your pelvis, dropping the tail so that it is relaxed.)

  • The Orphan: Get an old baby doll, raggedy and dirty. Fix the doll. Clean it or paint it, comb it or get a new wig for her and make a new party dress for her.
  • Ugly Duckling: Use air-drying clay to make a beautiful, long necked gorgeously winged Swan.


By engaging in this two processes for the next 40 days, you will emerge with a stronger Unconditional Love for yourself, an experience of your true value, Inner Peace as the negative talk is greatly reduced and more creative resources to move forward instead of holding you back.

You will believe in your value and goodness because your Wounded Children are healed and your Shadows are reprogrammed.

And you will know what to do with any other self-sabotaging agent you find lurking in your subconscious.

All this can happen within 40 days and during the rest of the year it will gain strength. But only if you DO these two processes, step by step for 40 consecutive days.

This is not a superstition. It takes about 40 days of continues repetition to engrave a new habit. If you do it and then stop for a while, the old patterns are re-established.

So set a time aside each day and each week to heal yourself. Believe me when I say that you so deserve it!


 Good luck!

May your Shadows cast Light on to your Greatness!


If you need private support for this process, check my Ceremonial Private Support.






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About Maria Mar

Maria Mar is a Sacred Storyteller and shaman who champions you to change your old limiting story to create the new story of your brilliance illuminating the world. She helps you awaken your magic, express your creative genius, embody your purpose and live your potential now.

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