Is it Love or Attachment?
Human beings form emotional bonds easily because ultimately we are all part of the same organism. If you follow the layers of your Energy Fields as they expand in an ever increasing circumference, you eventually flow into the Energy Field of those around you. If you continue, you penetrate the entire Collective Human Energy Field (CHEF). Ultimately, what joins us is pure love.
We are also vibrational beings, however and as such we resonate with each other, especially at an emotional level.
Yet, much of our emotional investment has nothing to do with our Oneness and more to do with Attachment.
What is Attachment? Imagine a chord tying you to another human being. The chord goes out like a tentacle and wraps around her chord. If you can visualize this, you are seeing what Attachment is at a core energy level.
But why do you get attached to others? As I said, we are all One. Our Energy Fields are part of a larger Collective Human Energy Field and we are constantly touching and interpenetrating. Factors that create this energy dance are:
- Vibrational Resonance
- Common or complimentary Energy Patterns
- Shared expectations, interpretations, experiences and perception
- Shared faith, passions, causes or values
- Common intent, prayers or spiritual paths
As you can see, there are Light and Shadow in this energy dance. Fear binds just as love. Hatred binds just as empathy. Opposites attract each other just as people in the same vibrational frequency attract each other. We can come together in love, empathy and compassion or we can come together in fear, hatred and dependency.
When there is a part of you that is needy, hungry or deficient or that suffers from a sense of lack, you reach out into the Collective Human Energy Field (CHEF), seeking to get filled. The CHEF responds by sending you a person who has a complimentary Energy Pattern. This means that they are like an inverse mirror. Let’s examine some attached pairs:
- If you love too much (excess caring), the other may be selfish and narcissistic (deficient caring).
- If you are terrible in your finances (deficiency), the other may be a financial Ace (surplus).
- If you feel that you are not enough (deficiency), the other may feel entitled beyond her rights (excess).
Your psyche sends out a tentacle from the place of your hunger to the place of the other person’s excess (or vice-verse) and there you are, hooked up! An Attachment is formed when the area of deficiency in one person tries to suck up energy from the area of surplus in the other; while the area of excess in the other pours its excess into the area of deficiency of the first person.
What to do if you find yourself in such a dysfunctional dance?
Most people try to change the other because all they see is the other person’s reaction. The other person may be pulling away, tightening the twisted chords, depleting or blackmailing you emotionally, and you react by thinking that they are “doing” something to you.
If you focus instead on recognizing what your Attachment is and where in you the deficiency or excess sends out the tentacle that creates this Attachment; then you can simply heal that imbalance in yourself. By doing this you will be able to gracefully release the tentacle because you will not need to suck the other’s energy in order to be fully filled, or fulfilled.
Attachment in healthy relationships
But Attachment can also be the normal consequence of deep caring for a prolonged time. We usually develop attachment to our children, parents, love partners, best friends and mentors. While this attachment may come out of love and respect, and may not have the deficiency-excess dependent dance, it can still deplete the pure energy of love.
Attachment depletes the pure energy of love through a series of dynamics that steal your capacity to connect deeply to the other in the present and to honor their changing being. For example:
- Taking the other for granted
- Developing financial or emotional dependence
- Believing that you “know” the person and no longer seeing the changes they are undergoing
- Symbiosis or projections
- Caretaking or an imbalance in giving and receiving
- Conditional giving creeping in, limiting the vastness of unconditional love
- Contamination from other relationships
- Erosion of respect, admiration, trust, believe or support in one or both persons
- Confusion between unwanted or painful situations and the people you are sharing them with, so that you project blame onto them for the situation, (E.g. Poverty, oppression, failure.)
If you realize that you have created an Attachment in an otherwise healthy relationship, the solution is pure love. Another name for this is Unconditional Love.
You need to release whatever conditions, contamination or dependencies have crept into your ability to love this person purely and unconditionally. You need to flow a higher vibration of love within yourself. This vibration will then resonate in the relationship and break the Attachments, setting you both free to love in honor of each other.
As you can see, the core solution to Attachment is love; both self-love and pure, unconditional love. The highest vibration of love gives us the experience that we are all One. The deepest vibration of self-love lets us know that we have all we need available within ourselves because we are part of The Divine. Only then can we meet as free beings, each equally sacred.