This pain follows me like a shadow growing inside.
The more I fight it, the harder it strikes back.
This pain possesses me like a demon.
I want to exorcise it.
Instead, it mocks every attempt I made for freedom.
It makes me its route and runs through me.
It makes me its amplifier and screams through me.
It makes me its shadow and takes over.
But there is one thing it can’t stand.
When I listen to it,
when I surrender to it
~not in defeat~ but in utter compassion,
in unconditional love and acceptance;
then it begins to melt,
it’s terrible, harsh scream
turns into soft tears
that fall, like raindrops over the windowsill of my consciousness,
awakening me to buried yearnings and hidden betrayals,
to the poisons and wounds that long have festered
deep inside me
and must be brought to the light
to be healed and released.
This unbearable pain.
Who would have thought it?
Maria Mar (c) 2014
New York, NY
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