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Sep 022014
Reading Time: 3 minutes

“I feel inconsequential”

 The myth of competency and the power of vulnerability


inconsequential-woman-in-redI was talking to a client recently, and she said something that broke my heart, allowing my love to pour through (find out about the Alchemy of Vulnerability here). She said that she felt deficient and as a result she felt inconsequential, as if her existence did not really matter in the world.

When I asked about her deficiency, it came down to the fact that she had no social skills because she had been sick during most of her childhood, in hospitals and had not developed them. A side effect of that was that her self-esteem was extremely low. She felt that there was something deficient in her as a human being.

When I met her she gave the appearance of being a shy introvert. There were moments when she immediately clamped up. She told me this was a habit to ensure that people did not see how defective she was. About three minutes into any conversation personal questions would come up. She was certain to give away how inadequate she was. She lived alone, had never married, had no friends and therefore felt extremely vulnerable about personal questions.

As we develop a relationship, I realized that this woman was extremely kind and generous. She loved animals and nature. We would often take a brief detour in the session  to comment about the birds and trees in our neighborhoods because we both loved birds and trees. She told me such a moving story about how she had cared for her dog’s during its last days that it motivated me to explore animal communication. In other words, she had a kind, loving influence in the world.

She just did not know it.

When I told her this, she was shocked. She literally had no words. I could hear her breathing stop and had to coach her to breathe gently and deeply and let it in.

She almost did not believe me, except I was the recipient of this influence, and therefore a witness to a fact which she could not deny.

As we explore her sense of deficiency she told me that she covered it up with trivia. She was a brilliant person and she had a great interest and curiosity in the world. But she researched about every topic not only out of interest. She wanted to be informed, to have something to say in any conversation. When that three minute mark showed up, she would spout out facts. What if she had no facts for the subject of the conversation? She would change the subject to something for which she had information.

She was coming off as an intellectual snob that tried to dominate conversations with information. In fact, people could quite easily see through that to her insecurity.

Her shock at my feedback was that in that instant she realized something that change her perception of herself and relationships.

She realized that her influence in the world was not the result of her competence, skills or knowledge. It was her very being, her heart, her soul that influenced others. Her influence came from sharing her passions, curiosity and the things she loved. It came from being kind and generous with those around her. It came from her vulnerability!

She had felt that her vulnerability was her weakness. Now she found that it was her greatest gift to the world.

If you feel inconsequential because of low self-esteem, lack of social skills or lack of academic training, consider that —while you may enrich the world through these things— they are not the essence of your influence in the world. It is your Presence that spreads your Essence. It is your shared humanity.

I finish with the words of the great Persian poet and spiritual teacher Rumi:

And when you pour me into the world

it blooms with beauty, fully divine.

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About Maria Mar

Maria Mar is a Sacred Storyteller and shaman who champions you to change your old limiting story to create the new story of your brilliance illuminating the world. She helps you awaken your magic, express your creative genius, embody your purpose and live your potential now.

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