Reading Time: 7 minutes
When Kindness Wars with Self-forgiveness
I want to share this with you, my beautiful magical sister or brother ~my worse moment this week~ because it was agonizing and I feel that you could relate.
I found myself at war between kindness and self-forgiveness.
I had not responded as kindly and compassionately as I could have done —in hindsight, of course.
“I really really messed this up!”
The person had withdrawn and I could feel that I had not
been as receptive as she needed and as a consequence, she did not feel trust
enough to share any further.
Had I damaged her trust? Would she now curl inwardly and
avoid others? Would she not seek help? Did she feel judged? The questions
tumbled over each other, each making me feel worse and worse.
I was heavily challenged to forgive myself for this mistake,
and I was surprised at the level of distress running through me.
Wrapped in self-judgment, blaming, shaming and dread.
I thought I had already
gone through this. A bunch of years ago, I spent an entire year rewiring my
habit of self-flagellating myself every single time I made a mistake.