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Sep 302013
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Content for the tab Overview

Content for the tab Bad habits

Content for the tab Addiction

Bad Habits: Giving Away your Power

Habit-choices come from a place of disempowerment. When you keep repeating a behavior, thought or choice that is bad for you or hurt others around you or is no good for the Great Circle of Life, of which you are a part; then you are standing in the place of The Victim. You are, with your actions and non-actions, saying that you are helpless to change, that you are incapable of creating a different reality.

Habit is comfortable and easy for two reasons:

  • Familiarity. Many habits were learned or adopted early on in life. You learned to brush your teeth in a certain way, to eat certain foods, to play certain roles in your family and to defend your learned beliefs in certain way. They are familiar. The mind trusts familiarity, even if it’s killing you! But it distrusts the unfamiliar because it has no criteria to understand or classify it. The mind resists change. The subconscious mind sticks to its programming unless you do a reprogramming. The conscious mind justifies your bad habits to defend you against the perceived danger of the unknown.

  • Powerlessness. A bad habit can also be an easy way out. You are facing a difficult situation. To make the right choice, you’d have to confront your fears or grow beyond your present limitations. But you are scared. So you tell yourself that you have no choice, and you take the easy way out. Do that enough times, and it becomes a habit. The longer you keep this habit, the more you give away your power. You begin to feel powerless and weak. You feed your fear, and your fear grows until it devours your courage.

Every time you say that you have no choice and take the easy way out you ARE making a choice. You are choosing to stay in the prison of your fear or your past.

Powerlessness is learned. If you were abused or controlled as a child, you may have adopted the stance of The Victim or may have played the good daughter role, allowing others to make decisions for you. After a while, powerlessness became a habit.

If you are trapped in a bad habit, that particular muscle, whether it’s the eating choice-muscle or the relationship choice-muscle is out of shape and flaccid. Exercising it demands that you have the self-love and strong desire to be healthy. You then exercise by making decisions. Each self-respecting, self-directed choice you make strengthens your Free-choice muscle until you stand in the place of your Personal Power.

How to change a Bad Habit

Bad habits are created through three powerful forces:

  • Survival – When you are young, you don’t understand the world. You desperately need information on how to handle life. Then you learn or come up with a way to handle a particular situation, it is embedded in your Reptilian Brain as a survival choice. That’s easy to remember and hard to forget or change!

  • Role modeling- You looked up to the adults around you, the world, the leaders to discover how to cope. If you found role modeling that sucked, that’s what you absorbed, whether effective or not.

  • Repetition- A habit is not created from a one-time event (unless it’s a powerful trauma). A habit is created from repetition. You did it over and over until you do it automatically.

If you want to release a habit or change a Habit-choice for a Free-choice, you need to use the same three forces. Here’s how it may look:

  • Survival – You do not want to respond from fear, but you do want to let your Reptilian Brain know in urgent, no arguable ways that it MOST upgrade the old program.

    Here’s something I do. I call out RAS (Reticular Activating System). I visualize this network of nerves that alerts my brain on where to focus attention as a doggy, a guardian to the mind. I see myself as retraining this doggy, so I say:

    “RAS! Listen up! This is important!” That gets RAS attention. Then I give clear, simple, direct orders on how I will act now instead of what I learned to do. Then I follow up with my Power Word. (That’s another trick I’ve picked up. In the Prosperity PlaceJoan Sotkin explains this technique well. )It may look something like this: “RAS! Listen up! This is important! From now on whenever someone challenges me, instead of going into a panic, I am doing these three things immediately: 1) I breathe slowly and deeply, 2) I align with my center until I feel my core self, and 3) I smile and express my truth from my heart. ADD POWER WORD.”

    I repeat the instructions every time the situation arises and I mishandle it with my old behavior. I repeat this until I observe that I am responding in the way I want automatically.

  • Role modeling- Become clear on who you truly are in your soul and heart. Describe her. Draw her. Love her. Give her a name. (Find a nickname for her, like I find my own: the Dream Alchemist.) This nickname should  say who you are in your soul. Then practice her.

    Practice following your brightest version of yourself as your own Role Model. If you have a heroine that is your role model, also practice her. Keep practicing. Enact her. Use acting to reenact those moments when you use your bad habit and rehearse using an alternative behavior, your Free-choice. This is not lying or faking it. Enactment is a way of learning and transforming that has been used for shamans, mothers and teachers for centuries.

  • Repetition- Do the new response for 30 or 40 days on a row, or until it becomes automatic.


Find out about addiction and how to overcome it.

Light and Love,

Maria Mar

The Dream Alchemist



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